Little Bug

I met with Jackie 4 years ago shortly after her son's sudden passing. At that time Jackie's granddaughter, and the love of her son's life, had just turned One. Jackie was in such horrible shock and experiencing such raw grief we decided a reading probably wasn't the best for her at that time. I sat with her and let her talk. I gave her a safe space to be herself. To let go. She yelled, screamed, cried rivers of tears. It was just heartbreaking to watch her in so much pain. I was there to be a support for her but when she started talking about her son I couldn't hold back the tears myself.

"What do I tell my granddaughter? Will Bella ever know how much he wanted her? Sure we'll tell her, but will she feel it? Will she truly understand how much her Daddy loved her? I'm so angry he was ripped away from her! He was so excited to have a little girl, he painted her bedroom three times because it wasn't quite the right pink. He picked out the bunny theme for her bedroom. My poor daughter in law was so patient with him! When he got home from work, he would scoop her up from his wife's arms and the two would be inseparable until little Bella fell asleep. He would tuck her in and say goodnight to his little bug. She'll never know she was his little bug."

I recently received a voicemail from Jackie! However it wasn't the same Jackie I remember from years earlier. Her voice sounded so upbeat and happy. She asked me to please call her back, she's had something to share with me. She ended the voicemail saying "Life is good".

When we talked, she confessed that she has continued to have her struggles, but she's beginning to see some light again. Bella just celebrated her fifth birthday and during the party Jackie noticed a balloon across the room suddenly started to move and make its way to Bella, actually winding around her as Bella took the string. Jackie continued to clean the dishes and she noticed Bella laughing, giggling and talking to thin air. She asked Bella, "Who are you talking to?" She replied "Daddy." And for a moment Jackie told me she wished it were true.

The laughing and talking continued and Jackie asked again "who are you talking to, and what's so funny?"

"Daddy. He's making me laugh."

Then Bella turned to the balloon and again engaged in conversation.

"Thank you." (Laughter) "I'm Bella"

Jackie finally asked, "Bella, what is Daddy saying to you? "

"He's silly! He's calling me a little bug." Bella laughs. " But I'm Bella, not a little bug"

Jackie told me, at that moment her jaw practically hit the floor! She told me she was embarrassed to admit this but Jackie and her daughter in law were unable to share details with Bella about her father. Just that he loved her dearly. It was too painful for them, and they didn't want to upset Bella. There's no way she could have known that she was his little bug. And it didn't end there..

Jackie continued to clean up after the party collecting all the balloons when Bella pointed to the balloon she was holding earlier and said "Not that one Gram. It's my present."

Out of curiosity Jackie asked,"

"From who?"

"My Daddy."

And Jackie's voice was beaming with happiness when she told me on the phone. "And of course it was a birthday present from her dad, it was the prettiest pink balloon in the room. Such a "perfect" pink that it even matched Bella's walls in her bedroom! That's my son for ya! He would never miss his little bug's birthday..

Life is good!