January Rain

Although it's been years, eleven years to be exact, this particular reading session has always stayed with me. I still remember the incredible healing that was born from a beautiful reunion, and the importance of realizing that life may not always be as it seems, and holds many mysteries.

This story shows how the seamless connection between humans and spirit is happening around us constantly. Even though most humans are veiled from experiencing this with the naked eye, it doesn't change the fact that our connection to spirit is a reality.

I'll never forget that wet, cold morning one day in January, 2009. As I was pulling into the driveway of my office space which I call my reading room, the driving sheets of rain was hitting my windshield making it almost impossible to navigate into my parking space. 

As people in the small shopping center adjacent to my reading room were scurrying quickly, holding their paper coffee cups from the neighborhood coffee shop , running to their cars to free themselves from the pouring rain and the bitter cold rain, I sat silently in my car along with my passenger next to me. She was a beautiful young woman with clear blue eyes and long blonde hair with a golden flex which blended perfectly with her golden skin tone. 

I asked her if she was prepared for this reading. That it would more than likely be a very emotional session and she may not receive the desired outcome she's hoping for. And sometimes grief and despair can block us from healing, which slows the reunion process between human souls and spirit souls. 

She replied that she had been wanting this reading session for a very long time...too long. And she was prepared for whatever the outcome, although deep inside desperately hoping that this day would be the beginning of a renewed relationship. 

We went to my reading room and sat together facing Deborah who had just arrived and sat across from us, her head down, nervously wringing her tissue with her hands. I prepared Deborah as what to expect from our communication with the other side and my responsibility to reunite her with a spirit, or spirits that she is hoping to connect with today. 

At that moment the lovely young lady next to me moved smoothly with ease to the other side of the room and stood readily at Deborah's right side. I closed my eyes and telepathically asked the young woman if she could begin the communication between us and Deborah. 

When she heard the name Deborah, I instantly felt the emotion of love overcome me. When I asked her to please start the communication , my heart fluttered with excitement! Her time had finally come to hopefully reunite. I asked the young lady my final question before we started. " How will you be communicating with us?" Instantly I heard the word, "Mom" loud and clear! Her voice even stronger than when we spoke earlier in the car. 

So we began! I started to explain to Deborah that she has a beautiful young lady in spirit at her side, eagerly wanting to connect with her.

"She recognizes you as Mom and she's also showing me balloons. She's showing me two separate occasions in the month of January. When spirit shows me balloons it signifies celebration, either a birthday or passing in January, or both. She's also telling me that she's never left your side. That she can be with you and in spirit at the same time. "

The excited young lady who gave me her name, Erin, went on to talk about their close relationship. Their girls trips to Lake Tahoe, their TWO Christmas trees every year because Deborah HAD to have a tree covered in bows, and her daughter Erin HAD to have a tree covered in candy canes. 

The lighthearted memories broke the tension in the room and allowed Deborah to laugh and smile, and for a moment to let go of the pain of losing her daughter. Erin even mentioned that she had a sister in spirit! Deborah miscarried a baby before Erin and she was shocked and just blown away at the idea that they have found each other in the spirit world! 

Everything we create in our world lives on for eternity. Erin spoke about her dog who is with her, her grandfather in spirit, and also shared how sorry she was for leaving so unexpectedly. She understood the grief her Mom was going through and told her that she's been trying in dream visitations every night since she left our world. No doubt Erin is dedicated to creating a new relationship with her mother. 

But time seemed to have moved so quickly and before I knew it Erin was beginning to lose her energy. Her ethereal shape which allowed me to temporarily see her as she was in our earth world, her eyes, her hair, her angelic smile, were now beginning to fade in and out of our three-dimensional world. 

I knew it was time to bring our session to a close. I could see hundreds of tiny bright dots piercing her willowy form as each dot illuminated her essence literally turning her into one bright beacon of brilliant light. 

I asked Erin for one final message for her Mother and Erin replied, "Tell her I love her to pieces, and tell her that I'll always meet her in the January rain. Erin's words brought Deborah to tears. I could feel her pain releasing from her body and for the first time that day I could see peace in her expression. Her anxious energy was now calm and her eyes had the look of regeneration as she shared with me. 

Deborah spoke with a renewed energy. “You have no idea how much I needed this today. Today is my birthday. And yes, there are two events in January, one being my birthday, and the other being Erin's death.

“Erin died on my birthday one year ago today. It was so very unexpected. She died in a car accident. She was on her way to meet me and our family at a restaurant for my birthday dinner. She called me once she left work to say she was on her way and I told her to please take her time. Not to rush, that we would wait for her. The weather was much like today. Stormy. I told her to take it easy on the road, you know how January rain can be. And she laughed. She said, "Okay Mom, I promise I'll be careful. Love you to pieces.

“She would regularly tell me she loved me to pieces, it's what we always said to each other. But that night she said, love you always.. That always stuck with me. And those were the last words I would ever hear from her. Until today. I dreaded this birthday. And I begged for winter not to come. Those painful memories.

“I was angry, and you know what, I just didn't even care how I was treating people, including myself. I was so angry at the world and I didn't want to "feel better". Do you know how many people would say those crappy words to me?  Like I'm suddenly going to "heal from this", or I'll "get over this tough time. 

“I seriously wanted to punch people in the face! I miss my daughter so desperately and struggle every day to try and live in this world without her. I've stopped living. If she didn't have life, then I didn't want life either.

“But she was here with us today! I know she was. That was her! And she's reunited with her sister in heaven. Wow! Do you know how much comfort that gives me? My two girls are together. With my Dad. They couldn't be in better hands. 

“And the January rain.. I used to love the rain soo, soooo much. When Erin was a young girl I would pick her up from school, take her to our neighborhood park and we would play in the rain together. We would dance, and laugh, and step in every puddle. Not very Mom -like, I know. But we just had so much fun. Every year Erin would ask me what I wanted for my Birthday and my answer was always the same. I want it to rain. I want us to play in the rain on my birthday. And Erin would always give the same answer, "Okay Mom, we'll do it." 

“Erin made sure that I always had rain on my birthday. Every year she would give me a gift, and a tiny little glass bottle filled with water labeled January Rain. She would collect the rain from the winter leading up to my Birthday and she would call it our January Rain. 

“Now it sounds like the two of us will be playing together in the rain after we leave here today! I'll meet her at our favorite park, so please tell her that I'll meet her there." I replied, "She already knows, she can hear you." And Deborah breathed in a sigh of comfort. "You know for the last year I have begged to have a sign from her, to see her, to hear her voice, to have some tangible connection with her, and I have felt nothing. Everyone in my family and friend group have had experiences with her but me. And I don't understand why. We were so extremely close. And although I've been happy for others, it hurt even more to know that I'm the only one not receiving anything from her."

And that's when it hit me! The true experience of Deborah's reading wasn't about belief. She didn't come to me desperately needing to BELIEVE her daughter survived life after death. She was already aware of that. She needed this reading to understand what holds a spirit back from sharing signs with some and not others. And the answer is LOVE. 

The stronger we love someone in life, the stronger we grieve when we lose that love. When our loved ones move into the spirit world they are in a state of bliss. They can no longer feel the emotions of physical or emotional pain. They can no longer feel the emotions of anger, sadness, grief, anxiety, fear.. 

Because our new connection with them is through energy, our energy will need to match their energy for us to be able to receive signs and other communication from them. Much like Deborah, sometimes we become engulfed in grief, and we do need to honor our emotions and our grieving process. Whenever we have a moment of peace, even just a few seconds of happiness between the grief, those few seconds are the opportunity to connect with our loved ones in spirit. In those moments we are completely reunited with them. 

When we have a significant loss we need to try and reach out to our loved ones in spirit in times of happiness, peacefulness, or even in a day dreamy, neutral state. We should talk to them and remind them of a funny memory or a life experience we shared with them. This will catch their attention! 

Our loved ones in spirit take with them their love for us and their memories with us . Love is the most powerful bond in the Universe. Love transcends time and space and lives and grows beyond dimensions. There is no such thing as separation. Separation is an illusion which blocks us from feeling our natural connection with those that we love. Once we recognize that we have the power to open the door to the spiritual world and the key is the love that we share with them, there are no limits to the depths of our renewed relationship!

When I shared this with Deborah she felt so enlightened to know that Erin wasn't trying to avoid her mother, she just couldn't cut through her mother's grief in order to communicate with her. So Erin went to everyone around Deborah, hoping they would let her mom know that she was alive and well, and that she wants to talk to her.

Deborah then said, " I feel like a new person now understanding of what's been blocking our relationship. So I'll think of the good times. I'll laugh again. I'll start living again, because now I have a reason to live again."

By using me as a conduit between the two worlds, Deborah was able to remain in the state of grief while I held the higher energy to make the connection between her and her daughter. Once we discover where the true suffering is coming from, we can then transform that suffering into a transformative, emotional breakthrough!

Our connection is energy and energy can never die; it transforms. And the emotion that gives the energy life is love., therefore love can never die; it transforms. 

Every January I think of Deborah and Erin and their beautiful transformation. I have no doubt that they have remained connected. Although the grief will continue to be a part of Deborah's new path, I'm certain she will never let it stop her and Erin from playing in the January Rain.